One Little Heartbreak to Mend
by Wongvhan
Summary: High School AU: "I'm sorry. I don't like you that way." The moment Castiel Novak said those eight words out loud was the moment Dean Winchester realized the meaning of the word 'crush'.
1. Dean

"I'm sorry. I don't like you that way."

The moment Castiel Novak said those eight words out loud was the moment Dean Winchester realized the meaning of the word 'crush'. His heart swirled in his chest and created a blackhole when just a minute ago, it thumped strongly like it had never done before, and now Dean thought he might never feel happiness again.

Somehow, when Dean's best friend held out his hand to touched Dean's arm and said, "We can still be friends", it only made the world heavier, but all Dean could do was nodding. "Yeah, sure." He could push the words pass his throat. Not sure if he could recognize his own voice, though. Dean swallowed and retreated. "I need to go home. It's getting late," he said. He left the familiar living room of the Novaks and for the first time since the age of four, he wanted to stay as faraway from the house as possible.

Of course, Dean did not fool himself into thinking that Castiel would feel the same way he did. Still, the humiliation he was feeling right now pushed him into the darkest corner where he just wanted to curl in his blanket and never came out.

God, what was he thinking? Confessing his pathetic crush to a friend of 12 years? How would Castiel feel? That Dean was a creep that took an advantage of their friendship to get close to him? Even though Castiel said it himself that they could still be friends, Dean doubted it would happen.

But it did. Because two days later, Castiel came knocking on the Winchester's front door with a six-year-old boy holding his hand.

"Alfie misses you," Castiel said. "I miss you too."

Dean wanted to say "And so?" because being close to Castiel only cut the wound deeper. On the other hand, seeing Castiel upset was something Dean never wanted to happen. Plus, Alfie was on the verge of tears. By the look of the boy, he has probably been crying for hours. Dean didn't dare looking at Castiel's face for feared that he wouldn't see a trace of sadness there.

Nevertheless, Dean grabbed his jacket hung by the entrance, took the little boy's free hand and said, "Why don't we get some ice-cream?"

* * *

It was uncomfortable at first. Being around Castiel, pretending like his touch and his voice had no effect on Dean was hard. Dean did not know whether to cry or to smile or to just confess his stupid crush again when the boy showed up at 7.13 o'clock like he always did, and walked to school with Dean and Sam. Bless Sam, if he knew something, he must have been trying very hard to lift up the thick atmosphere between the two boys.

Castiel must have felt it too because as soon as Sam took off to the middle school department, he turned quiet and grave. So, three days after the confession, Dean decided. He sighed and ruffled Castiel's hair playfully - like old times, then he forced himself the 'Winchester Smile' and said with the liveliest tone he could mutter, "See you at lunch, buddy" before they parted ways in the corridor. He needed to do this. He needed to be Castiel's friend first. It's all right if the guy did not exactly feel the same way. Castiel was his friend and he would not be the reason he had a shitty day. Dean still wanted Castiel in his life and vice versa.

Dean could hold back the tears anyway.

Lunchtimes were also awkward since normally Dean and Castiel would not stop bickering and teasing each other, but during the first week after the incident, they were silent and barely looked at each other. They were more polite and civil to the point that Jo could guess everything that has happened and confronted Dean about it. Dean did not cry on her shoulder. No such chick flick moment for Dean Winchester. But he accepted her comfort and allowed her to hug him for as long as she thought that it could help him, though.

* * *

Castiel has never seen Dean's tear and the latter would gladly say that he's over it by the third week. Who's Dean kidding? Just because there was no tear, doesn't mean everything was alright.

Gradually and slowly, they started talking again. They did homework together although they did not have the same classes. Castiel hung out with Dean at lunch and after school. Well, pretty much every minute he spent outside his house. Dean, on the other hand, was trying very hard to find something fun for them to do. He set up a bowling match for the gang (Cas, Jo, Pam, Ash, and Victor). They almost raid a Potato & Barbeque happy hour at Chuck's. He even signed up for scrabble club because the boardgame could seriously give one hell of a headache. He also got in the school's basket ball team because Jo and Pam were good at it and Dean could use a distraction. If there's anything that different from before, it's just that he visited the Novaks less and did not spend time alone with Castiel as much. That's it.

However, there was this one night Mrs. Novak personally called Mrs. Winchester and asked if the boys could come for a dinner and play with Alfie because the boy kept telling her how he missed Sammy and Deanie. Sam and Dean showed up at the Novaks that evening, completed with Mary's homemade cherry pie in Dean's hand.

Smiling at front, confused at back. That's how you would describe Dean. He did not know whether to be happy for the invitation or to runaway because everything reminded him of Castiel's refusal on that day. Worse, after Sam has fallen asleep on the couch, Mr. Novak suggested that they should have a sleepover since it's Friday and it wouldn't be the first time Dean spent the night there. Dean even had his own set of clothes kept somewhere in Castiel's closet.

Dean looked pass Mr. Novak shoulder to Castiel who averted his eyes from Dean's, and he politely declined the offer, only asking for a lift home. When they said goodbye, Castiel muttered "Sorry". Dean put on his brave face. "That's okay." He pinched Castiel's cheek. The same way he always did to Sam.

* * *

A semester almost passed when Dean noticed that a girl in his class had a crush on Castiel. Jackie, despite being called a nerd girl, could easily make it to the top 5 of the most beautiful girl in their year, and she had her shy eyes on Castiel.

She would be make a good girlfriend for Cas. Perhaps, she would make Cas happy, Dean thought as he paired up with Jackie's friend in History instead of with Castiel, allowing the girl to get closer with Cas. From afar, they made a very cute couple. They were also highly intelligent. The girl blushed to her ears when Castiel spoke to her directly. Castiel smiled and complimented her previous work. Later, Castiel sent Dean a text saying that he had to finish the project with Jackie. Dean replied naughtily, but his heart ached.

It was half past eleven and a schoolday so Dean was about to call it a day and say hi to his warm bed when Castiel texted him again, "At your front door."

Dean wondered what had happened with Jackie. Oh god, Castiel must have had his first kiss or scored a date with her and wanted to tell Dean all about it. Dean was not sure he could handle that situation, but he found himself at the front porch with Castiel fidgeting nervously anyway.

"She asked me out." The black haired boy confessed.

Again, Dean's heart was swallow by some invisible hole, but he withstood it because he's_ Castiel's friend_. "Oh... That's great."

"Really?"

"Jackie is..." What's the word? "...great."

"I turned her down." Castiel spit the words out.

_Why would you do that?_ Dean asked himself as soon as his brain processed what Castiel was saying. In fact, it's a logical question so the next thing Dean knew, he was asking "Why?"

"I told her that she's nice but I'm not interested in her that way." The words coming out of Castiel's mouth were rushed, unlike his usual careful sentences. "I don't know why I'm telling you this. But I think you should know."

Then Castiel ran away, leaving Dean on his own front porch and a very very sleepless night.

* * *

That summer, Dean had a part-time job at Bobby's junkyard and been sent away to Sioux Falls. He thought of Castiel everyday. The boys talked and chatted through the internet. Even though the hollow feeling hasn't gone away, Dean thought that it's better and he might get a chance to get over Castiel for real.

* * *

Except that he couldn't.

Two months of being apart did not lessen Dean's feeling for Castiel who, on Dean's first day of coming back, showed up at Dean's front door again and welcomed his return with the Lord of the Rings Extended Director's Cut version DVD box set. Of course, they had a movie marathon that night. Castiel, somehow, fell asleep on Dean's shoulder. Dean knew himself hopelessly in love with the boy because Castiel was the first and the only one that Dean found even amazing even while he's drooling on Dean's shirt.

Okay. So, Dean would not fight it anymore. He loved Castiel and would be content for whatever his best friend could give him.

Dean decided that he would be happy watching Cas happy.

* * *

A year and a half until college, and Dean earned 3.83 GPA for the first time. He only missed the mark in Religion Studies but other than that? Straight A next semester would not be a dream. Dean did great in the basket ball team, he was made a co-captain after singlehandedly scoring 24 point and earning the team a victory in an important match. The scrabble thing also worked out well. At least Dean did not have a headache anymore and the 'nerdy' gang accepted him too.

Dean was everyone's friend. They loved Dean. They liked what he did and who he was. Although Dean was dragged from one activity to another all the time, he didn't feel tired. If anyting, Dean was proud of himself but still kept humbled about it. He liked who he has become.

One day, Lisa approached Dean's table at lunch. Yes, Lisa. The headcheerleader. She asked Dean if he's free on Saturday night. Dean didn't even have to think twice to answer that he and Castiel already made a plan to take Alfie and Sam to a picnic.

Castiel said that they could always put it off. Having a picnic another day. Dean shrugged. For the first time in 9 months, he wanted to say to Castiel that he loved him very much and the thought of dating other people has never come across his mind.

Dean said nothing. Castiel shared his bacon that lunch so that Dean could have extra food.

* * *

Castiel has never dated anyone - boys or girls. But when he spent more and more time with a new kid, Dean thought that this might be it. This might be the moment when another person swooped down and took Castiel's heart.

Dean did the only thing he could. He put more effort on his scrabble team, and won the city's championship.

To be honest, Dean had never ever expected himself to be good at scrabble and while the city was not large, he's still puzzled on _how the hell did he get it_? After the award ceremony, Dean found Castiel waiting with the new kid. _As a friend_, he thought, putting on the mask, and hugged Castiel who seemed to be no less happier than Dean. The new kid congratulated Dean. Dean shook his hand and said with a smile "Hey, you take a good care of Castiel. Would ya?"

So, Dean was now an honored student, a co-captain of a sport team, and a scrabble champion. He should be happy, shouldn't he?

Dean left the venue excusing himself from the party because the migraine was coming back.

* * *

On Monday or the day after or the week after, Castiel did not hang out with the new kid anymore. Not that Dean's sad about it. Heck. It's totally on the opposite. Dean told himself that it's out of curiosity alone that he had to ask "Where's the guy?"

Castiel tilted his head and said "With his friends, of course." Then he explained that they had a group reseach last month therefore he had been missing from their circle and he apologized for it.

Dean smacked the back of his head lightly. With no effort, he smiled and said that Castiel was a dumbass that should not apologize for this little shit.

Castiel returned the smiled and suddenly blurted out "I love you."

Everyone in the table froze. The bell rang, signaling the next period.

"I have to go." Dean said. He never knew how he got to that maths class.

* * *

He had a basketball practice and everyone has gone home by the time he's finished. Dean took a shower at the school but he didn't go home straight away. He went to the Novaks.

It was almost ten and something was poking in the back of his mind not to use the front door. Instead, Dean climbed his way into Castiel's room.

Only that the window was locked, the room was dark, and Castiel was nowhere to be found.

Dean climbed down and walked in circle on the Novaks' yard. He must have looked really creepy there but he didn't care. All in his mind was Castiel and Castiel alone.

It was past midnight and Castiel hasn't shown up. Apparently the guy left his phone in the bedroom too.

Despite being worried like crazy, Dean had to go home.

* * *

He was kicking dirt and marble along the way when he looked up and saw a familiar figure of a young boy mirroring the same thing as him.

"Cas?" Dean choked out. The other boy looked up immediately. Oh yes, he's definitely Cas.

Castiel was nailed to the spot but Dean was walking to him. Step by step, he strode forward. Dean did not know when he started to run, but he ran and when he reached Castiel, he took the boy in his arms pulling him to the tightest hug Dean could ever give to anyone. Dean wanted to kiss Castiel, sure. But that thing could wait. Right now he just wanted to feel all of Castiel. His warmth. His scent. His touch.

Dean did not want to let go. Not now. Not ever.

"Does this mean... you still like me?" Castiel asked tentatively. His nose was trapped between Dean's collarbone and his breath strangely filled the hole in Dean's chest.

Sometimes, action speaks louder than words but Dean answered anyway.

He answered with a six-word-sentence.

_You silly, I love you too. _


	2. Castiel

"I'm sorry I don't like you that way."

Castiel felt regret as soon as he said these eight words out loud. He could not even look at Dean but the carpet of his living room. Dean was quiet, understandbly. He wanted to offer more explanation on how important Dean was to him. How he adored and treasured their friendship. How he looked at Dean like his own brother - if not a siamese twin who just happened to be born in a different family. But he could not. His words would only hurt Dean more and Castiel wanted anything but hurting his friend. He looked up, because it would hurt Dean if he couldn't even meet his eyes. Oh god, Castiel had never seen Dean like this. Dean's gorgeous lips were trembling and shaking and Castiel was the reason. Castiel swallowed and reached out to Dean's arm. "We can still be friends." He said even though his mind was screaming how they would never be the same because Castiel crushed Dean's heart.

Castiel knew Dean was fighting back his tears when the boy muttered, "Yeah, sure." Dean took a step back. Now, he the one who's averting Castiel's eyes. "I need to go home. It's getting late." Dean walked backward to the front door. It was only a quarter past six and the Sun was still up on the horizon. Castiel retreated to his own bedroom, the one he just shared a night ago with Dean and Alfie playing shadows, and buried his face in his pillow. Castiel cried for the reason he's could not pinpoint.

The day after was the first day that Summer Dean did not show up at the Novaks nor did he call or chat with Castiel. It has only been 14 hours but Castiel already longed for the boy's presence. Alfie, too, missed Dean. The little Novaks, holding a monkey plushie in his arms, asked Castiel on why Deanie didn't show up. "Dada said that you should apologize if you did something wrong." Castiel said that he did not do anything wrong. Alfie shook his head and said "I'm six years old but I know that saying sorry is better than not saying anything at all."

Gotta admit, the boy was right and he didn't even start his elementary school yet.

The next day, there was still no word from Dean.

Man up, Castiel. Dean's worth more than this. Castiel thought to himself and took Alfie's hand. Together, the brothers found themselves at the Winchesters' house. Dean was the one who answered the door.

"Alfie missed you." Castiel said. "I miss you too." and I don't want to spend a day knowing you are sad because of me was left unsaid.

Dean sighed and disappeared behind the door for a few second and came out of the house with his jacket on. "Why don't we get some ice-cream?" He suggested to Alfie.

The three of them walked hands-in-hands. Alfie was in the middle. Castiel felt like Dean was somewhere faraway.

* * *

It was only five o'clock when Castiel woke up. The first day of 11th grade and Castiel was debating with himself whether he should make a stop at the Winchesters like he has always done or not.

He did not want to see Dean. But oh, he wanted to see Dean.

Castiel wanted nothing more than erasing the pain off Dean's face whenever he look at him. He wanted to take back his rejection, but he could not offer the acception either. Still, Castiel already said that they could still be friends and unless Dean said otherwise, Castiel would not abandon him. He brushed his teeth, got dressed, had his breakfast (slower than usual), and kissed his mom and alfie goodbye. At precisely 7.13 o'clock, he's at Dean's door. Just as always. As a good friend.

Fortunately, it's Sam first day in middle school so their walk was spent soothing the boy. Middle school isn't that bad. You'll love it. You'll fit in. Well, girls will be taller than you. Dean and Castiel barely spoke to each other, and when Sam parted for his department, they found themselves standing together awkwardly and in silent.

Students were heading to their classes. Dean was just standing in front of him. Castiel was not brave enough to look at his friend directly.

Then suddenly, a familiar hand was ruffling Castiel's hair. "See you at lunch, buddy"

Dean gave Castiel the famous charming Dean Winchester Smile. But come on. They have been friends for 12 years. Of course, Castiel knew that the smile was forced. Dean was trying very hard to pretend that he's okay and that Castiel should not feel any guilt or burden anymore.

But when your best friend had to fake a smile even when he's about to cry and it's all your fault, Castiel blamed himself anyway.

Lunchtime did not help when their friends left Dean and Castiel a space next to each other as usual. They did not say anything to each other despite their elbows were bumping and touching. Castiel knew that Jo, Pam, Ash, and Victor were watching Dean and him with curious eyes. He said nothing that lunch, but Jo came to him that evening and said that it was not Castiel's fault. She knew Castiel was being the most honest with Dean and spared him of more hurt in the future. She hugged him and said that they were gonna be okay - both Castiel and Dean.

* * *

Sometimes, he could see how Dean's eyes were swollen in the morning. Like he has been crying in the night. But Castiel and Sam said nothing about it.

Without actually said it, both boys agree that they would try to take things back to the way they were. They tried hard. Castiel, on this attempt, still spent most of his free time with Dean as before. Dean, on the other hand, tried to find their gang some new activities. They raid Potato & Barbeque happy hour at Chuck's. Dean signed up for the school scrabble club and also the basketball team. Castiel did not register for those clubs but he played the board game and trained his stamina with Dean anyway.

Bits by bits, Castiel felt like they were the same again. Even though Dean did not spend as much time with Castiel as they had, it's all right. They were growing up and lack of time would not kill their friendship. They were best friends. They did things together. Sometimes they didn't. That just how the way things were supposed to be.

Except that Dean was not a frequent visitor to the Novaks household anymore and Alfie has been throwing tantrum at their parents. At one point, Castiel's mom gave in and called Mrs. Winchester, asking permission for Dean and Sam to come for dinner and play with Alfie and Castiel. Things were almost normal but somehow, Dean and Castiel ended up standing at the same spot on that particular day. If only they could turn back time, Castiel would have never given Dean's chance to say anything. He knew his wish was selfish. But maybe Dean was hoping that he hadn't said it too.

After dinner, they watched Tron Legacy. Blessed the movie, Sam was curling on the couch and deep asleep. asked Castiel if he still had Dean's extra clothes in the closet. Castiel nodded. Dean's extra pj and a T-shirt and his toothbrush were kept right where they belonged in the Novaks' house. Mr. Novak suggested that Dean and Sam should just have a sleep over here. Dean was talking to Mr. Novak, but Castiel knew where his eyes lied. Dean politely refused the offer, only asked to be given a lift home.

Castiel bade his goodbye at the front door. Instead of saying "see you," he said "Sorry." Sorry for the hurt he has inflicted on Dean. Sorry for the way he could not reciprocate the feeling. Sorry for what's left of their friendship.

Dean only pinched Castiel's cheek and said "That's okay." He knew that Dean put on the happy mask again. But there was nothing Castiel could do about it other than keeping up with Dean's charade.

* * *

Castiel liked Jackie. He knew she Jackie was a nice girl and one of the most beautiful in their year. He liked her. But not that way. So, when Dean elbowed him, whispering "Wingman, out." and moved to sit in the back of room instead of beside Castiel. A lump was created in his throat as Jackie sat down at the empty seat.

During that class, Jackie made a small witty comment about the subject that made Castiel chuckled quietly. IHe complimented her previous presentation in front of the class. The girl blushed to her ears. Before the class ended, she sent a note to Castiel. "Can you see me after school? I have a project to ask a favor." Castiel did not reply in the piece of paper, he just said "yes." instead, texting Dean that he had a project to do with Jackie and that he did not have to wait for him. Dean sent an overtly naughty comment in return.

Castiel met Jackie at her locker. She apologized first because she did not really have any project she's working on, and she just wanted to ask Castiel a very important question.

"Will you go out with me?" The girl asked. Her beautful eyes pleaded.

Castiel did not know whether he wanted to go out with Jackie or not. To be honest, the only thing on his mind was "What pizza should I order today?" So, despite Dean's tone earlier, he wasn't expecting to be asked out, and now he's struck because he did not know that answer.

"Umm...when?" He asked.

The girl did not dare to meet his eyes, but she answered "Tomorrow, after school."

Castiel would be busy tomorrow after school because Dean and the rest of the gang were planning to see The Hobbit.

"I can't. Made a promise with the guys."

"How about this Saturday?"

"Ah... I'm free."

"So, I have a free coupon at the ice skate dome" Jackie offered.

_It would be nice, but I always want to go with Dean, he thought._ "I don't skate. I'm sorry." Castiel declined sheeplishly.

"Oh."

"I'm sorry."

"No, don't be."

"I'm sorry, Jackie." For the third time, he apologized. "I like you. You're nice. But not that way. In fact, I'm not interested in anyone that way."

"That's fine, Castiel." The girl sounded like she's holding back her tears. Disappointment and hurt were clearly written on her face. "I'd better go home." She turned her back to Castiel and rushed to the exit. Her head kept down. Great, he broke another heart.

Dean did not wait. He did not text Castiel. He did not show up at basketball practice or scrabble gathering. Right now, Castiel wanted to talk to Dean very much. He wanted to tell him about his confusion. About his disinterest and how guilty he felt about the rejection. Then it had come to him that Dean was once Jackie and Castiel slumped down in his own bed because he had something to say to Dean but he did not quite know what it was. Maybe, he wanted to tell Dean that he hated himself for making Dean looked like that. For crushing Dean's hope. Maybe, it's time to say something.

The next thing he knew, Castiel was on his way to the Winchesters'.

I turned her down. I'm not interested in anyone that way. I'm sorry for not being able to like you the way you do me. I'm an idiot and maybe a prude. He prepared all the thing he wanted to say to Dean.

But when he saw the looked on Dean's face, all words disappeared. Jackie's presence earlier today was a salt rubbing on Dean's wound and Castiel knew it completely.

"I told her that she's nice but I'm not interested in her that way." The words coming out of Castiel's mouth were rushed, unlike his usual careful sentences. "I don't know why I'm telling you this. But I think you should know."

Then he ran away from Dean. At least, he hoped Dean would feel... relief. Castiel could not sleep that night.

* * *

Castiel was left alone that Summer. Dean had a job somewhere in Sioux Falls which was in another state. He had Alfie to watch over but his own house felf all wrong without Dean. The public library did not feel the same without Dean making a snarky comment at the most borrowed books of the month. Food at Chuck's tasted bland without Dean ordering his second burger. And was intolerable without Dean's obvious mancrush on the protagonist. Castiel texted Dean everyday. He did not realize that it has become his routine to check Dean's goodnight message to him everymorning.

Castiel missed Dean very much.

* * *

Two months of not seeing Dean made Castiel running the fastest he ever ran to the Winchesters' house the first day Dean came back. Of all things he wanted to show Dean, Castiel grabbed DVD boxset of The Lord of the Ring and practically shoved it at him when Dean answered the door. Dean pulled Castiel into the house for lunch (Mary's special steak) and they were good to go for the movie marathon.

After more than 6 hours of middle earth, Castiel fell asleep. He vaguely remembered that he leaned on Dean's shoulder. He vaguely recalled that it was the best feeling he had in half a year. He also vaguely realized that he drooled.

When he woke up, Dean smiled at him fondly. It didn't look forced or masked anymore. It looked like Dean.

Castiel did not want to take his eyes off him ever again.

* * *

But somehow, things changed. It's not like they were not BFF anymore. Dean just had a lot of things to do. He studied late at night. He practiced scrabble - online and in the club. He put more effort in basketball. He also had more and more friends. Teachers liked him. Students adored him. Heck, even the janitor liked Dean. And even though Dean made it clear to Castiel that he's the one Dean liked to spend time with the most, Castiel could not stop feeling a little bit tangled inside his chest whenever Dean was surrounded by people he didn't know.

One day, the Headcheerleader Lisa approached Dean at lunch, asking him if he had any plan that Saturday which Dean had promised Alfie to take the boy out to a picnic. It was such tiny promise that Castiel had no doubt that Dean would go on a date with Lisa for sure. But then, Dean answered with no hesitation, "I've already made a plan with Cas."

Lisa took off, not asking twice.

"I could take a raincheck, you know?" Castiel said.

Dean shrugged and stabbed another bacon piece on his plate.

Castiel exhaled. Did not realize he was holding his breath in the first place. He felt ridiculously pleased and passed his own bacon so that Dean could have more energy for his basketball practice that evening.

* * *

By the time Castiel knew he wanted to spend every minute with Dean, the latter was made a co-captain of their basketball team. Now, Dean was always among cool jocks (great people though not the same kind with Castiel) and Castiel was happy for him. There was no reason not to be. Dean was content. He's an honor student and the school sweetheart.

Castiel felt like the distant between them was growing and he could not help it. He did the only thing he could - he supported Dean. If Dean's happy, Castiel's happy. If Dean's making new friends, Castiel was not gonna whine and sulked. He would show Dean that he could manage it and that Dean had nothing to worry about.

Tom has just tranferred from another school and needed help in every single subject including their history group project. The boy was easy-going and good to the core. Castiel did not mind spending time tutoring him or taking him out to some place interesting after school or weekends. He did not realize that it looked it they were dating because all Castiel was thinking all the time was Dean.

It's natural that Castiel would come to the scrabble tournament with Tom. Castiel was Dean's best friend and Tom was Castiel's friend, anyway.

By some miracle and last 8 tiles-bingo that earned him 121 points, Dean won and earned the title of the City Scrabble Champion.

Dean hugged and practically lifted Castiel off the ground. But then he noticed Tom and it was like half of his happiness was wiped off. Still, Dean said to Tom, "Hey, you take a good care of Castiel. Would ya?" before he excused himself because Scrabble gave a real headache.

Tom, on the other hand, knew the implication of Dean's word. Later that day, he walked Castiel home and stop at his front porch. Tom said that he would take a good care of Castiel if only Castiel let him.

_Would Castiel let Tom take care of him?_

The answer was not even the answer because right now Castiel wanted nothing more than going to the Winchesters' and demanded the access to Dean's room because he wanted to know if Dean's all right, if Dean's sick, if Dean had a migraine. Castiel wanted to take care of Dean. Wanted to be there when Dean had a fever and he had to find some wet cloth to reduce his temperature. He wanted to be there when Dean woke up and be well again. Then maybe they could go out to the movies or the bookstores. Or had a silly picnic that made them looked like a gay family and at night, maybe under the stars, Castiel might kiss Dean. Castiel might kiss Dean because he needed to. He wanted to.

The realization struck Castiel hard. He declined Tom with the truth. "I like someone else."

The boy got it and left. Castiel ran up to his bedroom and threw himself on the bed.

Castiel was in love with Dean. The problem was that Dean might not be in love with him anymore.

* * *

Tom stopped hanging out with Castiel. They remained friends, though. Castiel now liked to spend his free time alone or, as usual, with Dean who's busy to the degree of Gandalf dealing with 12 dwarves. Dean seemed normal and his gorgeous smile would shine every time he found Castiel waiting for him at the school's corridor. Castiel wanted to hold Dean's hand during their walk to school and back home everyday.

Castiel realized that he had three options here: 1) Tell Dean how he felt regardless of Dean's feeling, 2) Tell Dean how he felt only if he knew that Dean felf the same way about him, or 3) Just be content with the friendship.

Castiel chose the third option.

But when Dean asked after Tom, "Where's the guy?", Castiel was not sure of his intention but still replied that Tom was with his own friends and that the reason Castiel has been missing from their friend circle because they had a group project (plus, Castiel took his as his duty to show the new kid around the town).

"I apologize for the lack of our time spent together, Dean." He said.

Dean was dumbfounded for a second then broke out into a serious laughter and a huge grin was painted on his face. He must have meant to ruffle Castiel's hair but it turned into a light smack and Dean laughed more. "Dumbass. Are you apologizing for this little shit?"

It was a spontaneous respond. Castiel wanted to say "No, I'm apologizing for loving you more than a friend and I should have accepted your feeling long time ago." So, it came out as "I love you."

Everyone in the table froze.

The bell rang, signaling the next period.

"I have to go," Dean said, having a test in a maths class.

Castiel sat there until the janitor told him to go away.

* * *

Castiel wanted to wait for Dean but the guy had a basketball practice and his mom just called and said that Castiel needed to babysit Alfie. So, he went home.

Right after his mother came home, Castiel ran out of the house, "I'm going to Dean's." He shouted over his shoulder.

Dean wasn't home when Castiel arrived - almost ten o'clock. So, he waited in the living room, talking and watching TV swith Sam to hide how nervous he was at the moment.

It's eleven and Dean's still wasn't home. Mr. Winchester said that it's time for Sam to go to bed, and that Castiel should go home because it's a school day.

* * *

_Perhaps, Dean hated Castiel right now and did not want to face him. Perhaps, Dean did not want to be Castiel's friend anymore because what Castiel did was wrong. You don't confess your crush to the friend you have once broken their heart._

It was the first time Castiel knew that a crush worked both ways.

He turned down Dean's hope once. Now, it's normal for Dean to do the same. Especially when Dean had a lot of cooler and prettier friends and Castiel was just Castiel.

Castiel let his thought flew away just liked those marbles he's kicking along the way home.

_Maybe I should stop picking him up tomorrow. It'll only be uncomfortable for the two of us. Maybe I should stay away from the gang. Maybe I should tell Alfie that Dean would not visit our home anymore. Maybe I'll get over him. Maybe I—_

"Cas?"

That was Dean's voice that said his name in surprise. Castiel looked up. Yes, it was Dean. Coming from the direction of Castiel's house. Was he at Castiel's?

Castiel was nailed to the spot when Dean walked toward him and broke into a run.

Dean, Castiel mouthed even there was no sound coming out.

The next thing he knew, he was held in Dean's arms as well as Dean in his.

_Oh, my. Oh, God. Oh, mother nature. Please let this be real and not a dream._ Dean wrapped Castiel tight with one hand cradled the back of his neck, and his chin rested on Castiel's shoulder. Castiel breathed in the scent of Dean.

He wished to never let Dean go. Not again. Not after almost having Dean slipped through his finger.

Castiel asked tentatively, "Does this mean… you still like me?" _If your feeling is the same, please tell me and I will give you all my affection in the world._

Dean did not answer the question. He only replied what Castiel has said that afternoon.

You silly, I love you too.

Yes, Castiel was silly.

He was hoping that Dean would make him smarter.

- THE END -


End file.
